Yeah, but I really am.

I knew Chrys from college. She was you average All American white woman; blonde hair, blue eyes, pretty, used to be a cheerleader and a pastor's daughter. Chrys and I were in the same Chemistry course ( for the third time). We studied together for test, quizzes, did homework together, everything. On the surface, it would seem that Chrys and I were friends.
Thing is, Chrys was a racist. Not Racist lite, either. During the start of our friendship, there was no real definitive moments where she said or did anything overtly racist. She was always cordial to me. Friendly, even. After our last final, Chrys and I went to a restaurant to celebrate our most trying failure of the class yet. Halfway through our basket of wings, she says, " I like you, Ophelia. You aren't like the other ones. You aren't a Nigger".
Growing up, I was an anomaly. I was raised in Texas by a Nigerian father and a Liberian mother. I did not have a southern drawl. Though we grew up poor, I lived an affluent life. A life that always seemed to throw me in the path of people like Chrys. I was always surrounded by racism and prejudice that I could never tell if it was normal or not. Two months after the encounter with Chrys Trayvon Martin was killed. At the time, most of my friends were Caucasian or Nonblack POCs. As you can imagine, they blamed Trayvon for his demise. Most went so far as to demonize him. While this was normal for me, something about it didn't sit right. This happened with Mike Brown, Tamir Rice, Philando Castile, etc. Every time these sort of things come up, I sit back and watch as my surroundings become a hostile environment to be in. People who I smile and joke with on a daily basis distort into prickly know it alls. Colleagues demand to know why it isn't "All Lives Matter" or why this person didn't comply or why would a 13 year old boy play with a toy gun in the park. I watch as white privilege allows ignorance to blossom and stomps out nuance conversation. And you can never call these people racist. They just have questions. They just don't get it. They want to understand, but it's confusing. They don't understand how a portion of the country can feel the way they do. They don't see it happening so is it really true. Even after I share my past experiences with my peers, it still becomes "well, you are pretty sensitive, so that might be it." Huh.
And now, with Tyre King and Terence Crutcher, we are here again. It is a never ending cycle that America as a whole seems to be going through. And the obvious way to move forward (confront the issue head-on) is a problem for most of the country. That is why most people are up in arms about Colin Kaepernick and not about the murder of a 13 year old boy or a pastor.
In other words, this country has to stop worrying about its perception, and start worrying about its actions