Maybe shut up. Because you are not helping.

So I started Cross Fit about a month ago. Which is a pretty big deal for me because while I am completely out of shape, I do like challenging myself. The experience so far has not been bad, apart from the difficulty moving some days and realizing that some muscles exist it's been great. Also, I have been losing weight. While I will admit that weight loss was a motivating factor to start, I really just wanted a stress reliever that would also account for personal growth. Also, kickboxing was expensive. And while the scale and those around me have mentioned that I have lost weight, I don't feel it (more on that later). So when one of my little brothers came to visit a little while ago, and he commented that his arms were able to go around my shoulders, I told him that I started Cross Fit. With pride. Because for the first time in a very long time, I had something that I was continually doing that was better for my self care than eating. And even though it hurt before, during, and after, I loved doing it. More than eating, And that is high praise for anything. And that would be a great story, and there wouldn't really be a need for this blog post if that was the end of the story. But it isn't. A few days later, another little brother came to visit. He had talked to the first one and wanted to know how my exercising was going. He then asked if I knew that I had to eat right as well as exercise. My mom said that she wasn't talking to me about my eating habits anymore because it only ends in fights. So he said that he would be the one to remind me.

Because in order to be healthy, I had to be smaller.

I cried about this a lot, but you know what? I'm off that shit. Because what the fuck do you mean that in order to be healthy you have to be smaller. What is that? Explain it to me. Because for every example someone has, the good ol' Google Machine can produce twenty to thirty counter arguments. I don't have to be skinny to be healthy. I don't have to be a size 4, 6, 8, 10 in order to have good cholesterol. I don't have to be a waif in order to not have diabetes. I don't. I do not not. That notion is false. Because people can be perfectly healthy at any size and live to be a ripe old age. Another idea is that I may never find someone to actually like me unless I shed some serious pounds, which is more likely. And though that may be true, I will find a way to be okay with it. And this is an argument that I have heard since I was a child. Because I am bigger I am unhealthy. That as long as I am bigger, I will never be as healthy as my smaller family members. And to that I ask,

So fuck mental health, right?

See, my family is West African. So mental health is a "white people problem". Even though, most if not all of my family suffers from some sort of mental illness. But white people problems. Sure. My main train of thought when they bring this up is that I am an eyesore to them. That I don't fit the status quo. On top of all the other things that's wrong with me, I don't even have the self discipline to keep fit. So, I am a fat, lazy, no good shame. And no, that was not said to me directly. But I feel like it is implied. See, when you don't take the time to consider how someone will take what you say, then you are leaving it up to their interpretation. And if they are left offended by your implications, then you don't get to get offended by what they thought. You made the choice to offer an unsolicited opinion without A) considering the feelings/thoughts/attitudes of the other person and B) offering any sort of clarification on your stance/an opportunity for an open dialogue. So that means you get to stand in your shit. And if that person doesn't trust you enough to open up to you anymore, well, bih. I don't know what to tell you.I also don't know how to tell you fix it.

Because, to be perfectly honest, for me, myself personally? I wouldn't tell anyone this directly. Because it will only end with me screaming and nothing will be accomplished. I know for a fact that I can not have this conversation with anyone in my family because I have had this conversation a million and one times and nothing has been done effectively. And I just can't. So, I can only assume there are many people riding the same yacht as I am on this subject. It is not the job of the injured party to fix your misconceptions. Most of us don't get paid to bear your burden of misunderstanding. Not all of us are Iyanla, we don't get paid to fix your life. A lot of us are trying to fix our own lives while also dealing with fuckshit like this so please take it somewhere else. I'm tired of swallowing it and next time I might just suggest that you go fuck a cactus. Maybe you'd be more thoughtful if you were covered in thorns.