Now more than ever.

I am sitting at work for the fifth day in a row, trying to finish this novel that may never be published. Maybe because it's bad. Or polarizing. Or because I am polarizing by virtue of being. I have watched the Tomi Lahren interview with Trevor Noah no less than three times. Not because I think she's interesting or even because I think he's actually getting through to her. I just wonder what's the point?
For example, I work with this staunchly conservative family as their care provider. On the third day of my employment, he asked me what I thought about Hilary's free college education plan. Before I even started talking he told me that nothing is free. Then why ask for my opinion? He said that just to give me a base for what my answer to be. I just smiled, and left the kitchen. This is just one in a long line of increasingly volatile interactions with an onld man who is just a Patriot of this land that Patriot just means he's racist as shit.
On top of doing my job trying to make sure that these people are comfortable, I am also writing a book. But, seeing as how I am surrounded by Patriots like the man above, I worry that my story might not have a place. Who wants to hear about a woman who still deals with the past on a daily basis and now comes to realize that her entire life was shaped by some tangible being? WHo longs to be better for her family, KNOWING that she never will be? Isolates herself becauuse she is aware of her own unlikeability(sp)? I would have loved that story growing up. Knowing that you could make mistakes and chase a ghost but if you did it for you then it would be worth it. But who the hell wants to read that?
And now I'm crying at work. Because I am well aware that there is not a place for me. I may never achieve what I need to. I may never be a writer for life and THAT is upsetting. What is more upsetting, however, is that I will never know why?