Perfomance anxiety like a mother-

I want to be a writer.

No. An author. I want to be an author.

And in order to do that, I have to actually write. And it's not like I don't have the story mapped out. I have outlines, character descriptions, outfit inspirations, everything. I can talk hours upon hours about plots, battles, relationships, settings all of it. But I've spent the last few days stuck on one particular chapter, barred in my own fear with the same questions:

What if this story actually sucks?

What if the premise isn't good enough?

What if you fail? 

What if I fail? The fear of failure has kept me from doing a lot in life. That and the fear of rejection has kept me stagnant in my mindset, leaving me unable to wade through my own wants, needs and desires. The only reason I rediscovered my love for writing was because I didn't have anyone to talk to, so I bought a notebook and wrote a short story, remembering how cathartic it was for me do displace negative emotions onto a fictional person and have them walk through several scenarios to see a resolution of my problems. That is easy because it isn't going to be seen. I don't have to worry about failure there. But the stories that I want to get published are a completely different beast. I want others to see the worlds that I built. I am cutting open my skull and my heart and letting other people in to see it. But what if no one like it? What if other people don't like the color I paint the walls? What if they reject my story and, ultimately, me? Thoughts like that are what get me the label of emotional and keep me from completing an easy lay up of a novel that is outlined to the point that All I have to do is add dialogue and the book is written. But here I am, letting anxiety drag me into her cold, wet abyss. So, hopefully, within the next few days, I will break through the fear fog and write a few more chapters getting me closer to possibly publishing.