Dear

You don't want me. You never did. I was the filler. I was the replacement you could hold when you missed her. And now that we are both here I am tolerated. I can't even tell you this because you will laugh. You will share a moment at my expense with your favorite girl. I will never be as fit as her. I will never have the experiences you both share. As you have said, we are not the same. I am not yours. The tragedy is it took me this long to see it. We were not meant for each other. You belong with her. I belong.....alone.  You deserve happiness. And if I could I would wipe the memory of me from you. Instead, when I cross your mind, you get a bitter taste in your mouth. I am so sorry that I did this to you. And to her. I hope in time you will forgive and forget.

Favorite aunties

I am a terrible person, right? You never spread anyone's business, huh? The best of your father's children? You are a spiteful, rancid little woman who can't keep it together for your kids. You wanna know why people avoid you? It is not because you are truthful. Any child can be truthful. Everyone avoids you because all of the shit you point out in others is what you project. So please, check thyself.

My second mother? Really?  You ain't my second shit! How. DARE you feel entitled to any part of my psyche. Just like your father? You are closer to your mother.  Refusing to get old, even though we all see it. Getting your hands in everyone's business without offering assistance.  Meddling with careful plans just to say you had a part in it. Please ma'am,  sit down.

You bush.....you know what? I don't blame you. We don't know each other and I thrust myself upon you. I tried to fight for someone who appreciates the status quo. Like your daddy? Nah, try again. But honestly, I hope you get what you deserve in the end.    

Do Oghene.

I've got this feeling inside me. It claws at me, eating away, hollowing me out. Making way for the foulness in my head. I try to fill it up myself, with anything I can hold onto, but the factory can produce faster than I can.
I can't scream it out. I can't block it out. I can't find another avenue to live. I can't shield myself. I never got that piece of armour. I can't keep on going down this road.
It hurts me. I can feel it in my skin. My bones are cracking underneath my fragility. I can taste it. It's creeping up. There is no in or out for me, just uncertainty. The relief I am looking for is a complete expulsion of toxic personalities in me.
I can't scream it out. I can't block it out. I can't find another avenue to live. I can't shield myself. I never got that piece of armour. I can't keep on going down this road.
The hardest part is every time I try it's never far enough to get my mind and soul in peace. I give it all. I give it up. I give it all, I give it up. I leave it all upon the floor, my heart, my mind, my soul, the piece of me I don't show. I leave it all.